(Blogger's note: I'd hoped to have a few pictures up with this edition, but holiday plans and travel have gotten in the way of finding those few perfect images to make this post shine. I promise I'll burn one Christmas present in effigy for the problem.)
Folks, it's the UFL offseason. Regarding that, I intend to do what any rational sportswriter does: panic. For the United Football League, most of the stories are going to concern expansion teams and player movement, both of which are being well-covered by sites like Fanhouse and by the league's own website, which has a long list of which UFL players have gone to which teams and/or practice squads.
So I ask you, where does that leave me? I mean, I can tell you that Fabrizio Scaccia is now a 49er (practice squad) but that's already been reported, and I'd like to pride myself on providing original content even during the long, dry months between now and next August. With that said, I've always loved looking at the names on the backs of jerseys. Some sound just about right for football, others not so much. I'm not talking about your Palmers and Smiths and Rices and Mosses. Those are pretty ordinary names (even if some are attached to some extraordinary players).
I'm talking about guys like Adrian Awasom.
As if it weren't enough to have a productive season along the Locos defensive line--having put up twenty-four tackles and five sacks, which puts him third in the league in the latter category--the guy's name is, well, awesome. He sounds like he could be a professional wrestler. Ask yourself, would you mess with a guy named Adrian Awesome?
On the flip side of the coin, we have the 6'9, 325 pound Mountain Lions offensive lineman Sam Lightbody. Now, ignoring the play of the Molo's linemen this year, this is a terrible name for a lineman. I mean, it doesn't even make sense. Lightbody must easily be the biggest guy on the team. At six-foot-nine, at least 20% of his body is probably visible while he's in a bathroom stall.
But the most unfortunate name for a football player in the UFL goes to former Molos fullback Tyler Clutts, whose last name is pronounced exactly as you think it would be. Imagine just trying to work up the confidence to hand the ball off to the guy, let alone throw to him. In fact Clutts (who was recently signed to the Browns' practice squad) never took a handoff, but he does have seven catches to his name. And yet, you just know what Culpepper was thinking the second the ball left his hand.
"Oh god, was that Clutts? I think it was Clutts! He...oh, alright."
No Blue Foot, Gold Foot post would be complete without including the Colonials. Sad to say, there's a distinct lack of really good or really bad football names, unless you include Tank Daniels (though I've disqualified him based on the fact that "Tank" is a nickname). The only player with a somewhat
Now to see if we can lure in Pat Angerer and Ryan Mallet.
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